Preg Week 38 - Puzzle pieces

We're getting down to the wire on this new baby thing. I packed my bag last weekend, and with the exception of throwing my glasses and deoderant and moisturizer in the bag, I think we're ready. I washed the car seat cover, too. G has to install the car seats next, then I'm calling us "ready as we'll ever be".

With time comes contemplation, though. I have 2 weeks and 2 days of work to get through, to finish things that I'd like to have buttoned up before the kid gets here. Of course, I don't know if he'll be accomodating and understanding enough about my dates at work to wait until 5/29 or beyond to make his arrival. The house keeps getting clean on Saturday, and a few days later there are little dust bunnies and scraps of paper floating around, along with toys lightly scattered hither and yon, laundry that needs doing, bathrooms that need cleaning. The house can never be clean enough for me. This is going to continue to be my challenge after this new baby comes, and grows into a member of our family, and then starts to make his own messes. I can only hope that P will have outgrown the mess-making stage by the time he hits it, as she has become potty-trained well before I have a newborn's diapers to monitor and change, so that I'm only cleaning up after one kid at a time.

And just today my friend M asked me how I was feeling, and I realize I'm feeling a little aprehensive. I'm not worried about the labor (not looking forward to it or the aftermath - let's be clear - but not feeling scared about it); instead I'm wondering how this little boy will fit into our lives. How will he grow into being a member of our family? Will he fit in? How will the dynamic change? You can lay in as many diapers and wipes and clean onsies and car seats with freshly-laundered covers as you want. You can buy new nipples for the bottles that will be used later, sterilize the breast pump's pieces and parts, have new bedding and some new pictures to hang on the wall, fill the dresser with less pink and girly and more blues and greens with puppies and jungle animal appliques. One question that can not be answered is, how exactly is this all going to work? What role will he play in my life?

I'm looking forward to meeting him, and seeing his little face and counting his fingers and toes. I look forward to his wonderment at this world that we live in. But I'm a little scared to rock the boat of something that is pretty damn good. I have a wonderful, clever, darling, tempermental daughter; a loving, moody, willing, helpful husband, great dogs and cats that are comfortable in the house. How will a new baby fit in? What will he like? Will he be colicky? A good eater? A good sleeper? An easy baby or one that will throw a wrench into all things that I know about parenting?

This, along with the when will he be here, are two things that I absolutely have no answer to. I have no crystal ball to peer into, no one who has "been there and done that" that I can ask their advice of. Of course there are plenty of people out there who have two children - and more - so this isn't unique. I'm not the first mother to have these questions. But since each experience is different, just as each child is different, it's a path that I'll have to forge on my own. I'll be sure to report back on my findings.