180 degrees

On my way home tonight I was a big old grumbler. Quite frankly, work sucked today. I am the only person doing production, and The People seem to think that that means they can be lazy asshats and not look on the server in the places that I have told them to look to find the logo of the week. It also means that I'm the only one with the power to open a PDF file, parse out pages that "certain" advertisers want, and take other pages out so as not to offend other advertisers and then make a jillion little busy files with futzy names and precious settings, etc. Then, when it's all done, some other ass has more corrections to the original file that generated the PDF that I just spent eleventy minutes massaging and I get to do it all over. So today, when the officious sales person - who is very nice in person, just a prick over his e-mail requests - asked me to do all the separating and squeeging and renaming, I told him it was time he talked to his boss and got Acrobat so that he can do these things whenever he feels the need, because I don't have time to keep up with all the edits and doing all of the futzy crap. THEN he tells me he already HAS Acrobat! It was all I could do to not rip his eyeballs out via The Power of My E-mail.

I found out that the CFO had delayed payment on not one but two of my vendor's bills, which outrages me because (a) he told me they would be paid last week; (b) these vendors are not only people I rely on in tight turn situations but they are also my FRIENDS; (c) I was told that one of the invoices never made it to his spreadsheet (this is not the first time this has happened lately); (d) I'm going to be put on COD which is going to make my job hell to get payment and delivery on time, and (e) all of the above. It puts me in a sour mood when I have to ask for something more than once, and I have asked for these bills to be paid on time because if my vendors are pissed off, there is not much I can get done quickly.

And then another person asked me - for the hundredth time - "when I thought that the images would be organized for the web team to make their job easier". Now, I work for a company that has a lot of visual assets that are totally disorganized. And the company does not want to spend any money on anything, including a database that will organize these images and make them readily available to all. All images lived - until recently - on only the photographer's computer, with his little naming convention that only he understood. I have taken the liberty of copying them all onto the server, so that I don't have to go and turn his machine on every time someone needed a high-res of something. Also, the company seems to think that it's the end of the world if the web team doesn't get what they need 5 seconds before they think they need it. What they keep forgetting is that it's the printed magazine that is generating the content that is flowing into the website. OK!!!! I have a meeting tomorrow about how very very necessary it is for the company to spend the money to increase workflow by implementing this damn database, and it's time to do it, not just noodle and talk about it, like we have for the last year. Otherwise, I might have to just take a break at a nice quiet hospital due to my nerves being frazzled after I am asked for the 20th time for the same image that I have sent along to The People over and over again.

I guess you could say that I need an attitude adjustment.

I left work with a big huge headache - this is becoming the norm, lately, I am sorry to say - and drove home in relative silence. I spoke to G and told him I was on my way, and talked to my parents who are back from their vacation. I thought about my fantasy of opening a bakery where all I did all day was invent fun cookie combinations and made cakes that look unfancy but taste delicious. I thought about the copywriting I had to do when I got home, and dreaded it.

When I got home, G knew where I was at mentally, so he wrangled the kid while I got dinner - uninspired leftovers - together. They both gave me a huge hug and kiss when I walked in the door, and the dogs gave me a wonderful greeting. After dinner (which was rather "meh" if I do say so myself), I got to put P to bed, as I do most nights. And she was just great. She's reached a stage where she's really understanding certain things, and we know when she's not listening and can call her on it. She let me change her, we brushed teeth, she helped to fill the humidifier tank, and we read some books. Happily, there was no screaming and no whining for more books, we read three, she turned off the light, we had some snuggling and some playing and some singing, and then I remembered why I work: I work because I love this child, I love this house, I love my husband. I put up with immature adults so that I can come home to the smiles, the hugs, and the joys of my child as she grows and changes. I work because I have to, certainly, and need a steady income. But I'm reminded that it's all worth is when I get my child squealing with laughter as I tickle her tummy, as we eat supper together, however uninspired and meh it is, and as I hold her and sing to her as she goes to sleep. She is worth it. And that was just the adjustment I needed.